This is a super long entry. Read only you have the time...
Really wonder... 2 of my friends apparently are having some relationship problems and seem quite bad in getting out of it. One is still recovering from her wounds and the other is apparently feeling the pain from seeing the girl(that he likes) together with his (best? sorry.. didn't read properly) friend...
Although it is true that if you love a person, just by seeing her happy and blissful, you yourself will be happy too. But hey, be realistic. How many people actually felt the searing pain when they see the one they love together with your best friend? Or even kinda being cheated of your emotions all along?
I must admit, even up till now, I still haven't got over myself yet.. The feeling's really unbearable, yet you cannot forget about the person. It's like... You are so close to me, yet I feel so far away from you.
Like what one of my friend said, when the gate of memories are opened, intentionally or unintentionally, you cannot stop it. All those feelings, events, and time spent together will just flood back and stun you. No matter how strong you may be, or even appear to be, there are times where you feel weak and wish for the person to be with you and support you. Yet, all these are wishful thinking, cos' in the first place, you are not even in a relationship with her. How do you expect to demand so much? To put it more aptly, what rights do I have to wish for her to be with me when I do not possess the qualities that catches her eye?
I really don't know, it just seems that I'm fated to be alone. Yeah, you would say that I have not met the right person for me, but it is the case of 'If you do not take the first step you will never succeed'. But, whenever I tried to take my first staggering step, I bump myself hard into a wall. Stuff like 'You'll find a better girl than me' or 'I really treasure this friendship and wish for things to remain as it is' really gets my heart colder and colder.
And the best part? Exams are like only less than 2 weeks away and here I am blogging this lengthy piece of crap and slacking away for the past 2 days instead of spending my time to study and revise all my subjects... I think I'm fufiling what chocfingers had said.. I'm ruining myself... BIG TIME...
(Disclaimer: This entry is just a channel to vent out all the shit that I've pent up for the past week and anything said here is not being put up just to show her (or you, if you bother to keep up with this blog after that incident) my feelings. Words that I do not dare to say out are all here, so please do not have any pressure into doing anything that defies your original wishes.)
