Tired out...

Have been too tired to update this blog, and the fatigue mainly comes from schoolwork... Cos' exams are coming, and yet here I am still struggling for my labs...

Think gonna end here and start editing my code again...

Story of 'Bread'

Had a super long weekend due to Good Friday and kept thinking yesterday that I have to go back to campus.. (-_-) but at least for now, I've more confidence in my programming.. but the most memorable event was yesterday at Mt Faber, on the story of "bread".

1st incident:

She: Hey! I smell bread!(as we were walking down to HarbourFront)
Me: Huh?! You smell Greg?! (trying to be funny) Oh, so there's something in him that only you can smell huh...

2nd incident:

(At HarbourFront food court)

Shi-mu: (to Shi-fu) are you sure that in China confirm have sell those stuff? It is better to use your own than to buy them...
John: (not knowing what was the conversation is about) China confirm have sell bread one...

(Me, Jo, JZ, Ber, Shi-fu and Shi-mu all burst into cuncontrollable peals of laughter)

Penny for thoughts...

Watched the show 'Men of Honour' last night, and it really moved me lots. Made me realise that in this world there is nothing impossible to accomplish. So long as that we have the perseverance and the belief that we can do things right, we will definitely be able to do so. It only takes time to get it perfect.

So at least for me, I believe that if my other friends are able to do well for their subjects there is no reason for me not to do so as well. Which comes to the next person that I'm going to bring up. Don't keep telling yourself that you will screw up in the things that you do. It is only a matter of how familiar you are with the routine. Even if you stumble, you can pick yourself up and move on bravely. There is no such thing as 'I will never make it' or stuff like that. I believe you will be a very good athlete in it, cos I really see the improvement that you made compared to those in the group.

To those reading this, I believe that all of you have the determination and fighting spirit to excel in your various goals. Don't give up, and lastly, persevere and you'll see the fruits of your labour. Remember, nothing is impossible.

True friends

What I went through today really touched me... one of my friends actually recommended me what books to read for my java, and he atually took the time to clarify almost all the doubts that I had in the process of writing my program. And on the way back home, he also explained a lot about Logic Design, especially what is OPEN/CLOSE* those pieces of crap. Thanks a lot, KJ!

Besides the serious stuff, he also crapped a lot of stuff, especially about the NEL trains. Here's one example of them.

Quoted:

"Stupid fact: NEL trains have windscreen wipers even though they only run underground and have no contact above ground."

How's that? Interesting?

My sense is correct...

Well. This is true. I'm having this strong feeling that cracks have already appeared and pushing us further and further apart. What is wrong in me behaving like myself? I do not hurt anyone in the process, and even so the person that I'm hurting is myself by poisoning. All thanks to him flaring up and showing me his colour. Now I love noone except myself and at least this time I feel much more at ease with myself. I no longer speak or act according to what people around me might react.

Bottom line to all those reading this blog. No matter who you are, if you find that you cannot acccept my change in behaviour, you are free to leave me. I do not cling onto my friends as those who cannot live without them. At least I still have my family support to fall back on during times of need. I can still carry on my life without any friends, in the worst case. I've already been through the direst of all situations. How much more worse can I get?

Some photos during the display 2005

Yeah... so far these 4 photos caught my eye... well looking at the photos realised that I sucked big time.. no form, no body shape. No nothing. Sianz. Anyway here goes...



This is the starting of the long performance... and no hard feelings, but K culture sux!!! To so *toot* long for their performance..



The ending of the opening ceremony... thanks to the audience who did not laugh at all :)



My performance! But as what I said... I looked so *toot*ed up... really wonder how I managed to perform in this form..



And this is near the ending of my performance, well again, no form... see how my butt stuck out. Hmmm... wonder what shifu thought when he saw this body shape...

All in all, this is a good learning experience where my group, especially the two girls get exposed to the stress of performing in a public place... Seems that I need to improve even more...

Got this idea from chocfinger's blog and the wordings are inspired from one of my close friends... do comment and see how this is, though I have a rough idea on what it will be... here goes

Forgot the time when I grew attached to you
How the feelings changes from just a normal friendship
To something that cannot be explained in words

You may think that it is only a passing fancy
And pass it off as only a moment of impulse
Of what was expressed to you

I tried my best to forget you
And tell myself that this is the wisest choice
When I knew what you were thinking
But do you know
The more I tried to stay away and stay detached
The worse I will feel

Can’t you see that I’m putting on a mask?
Tried to believe that everything is all right
But do you know the pain that I felt
When this mask of falsity is taken off?
I’m so weak, I can’t do things right

Whenever I close my eyes
How I wish I will not be able to open them
For in the darkness, you will appear before me
Yet when I open them, you’re nowhere around

You said time will bring away all pain
Yet how much time do I need to get over you?
Even I do not know myself
All I can do is
To take things as it is
No matter how heart-wrenching it can be
For I know
Someday
Somehow
Miracles will happen

Today sucks...

Yup... today sucks man... firstly one of my close female friends confided with me and somehow she's having the emotions that I was experiencing at that point of time..

Then this morning. Maybe I said the wrong thing at the wrong time. chocfingers said something that really changed my mood for the worse for the whole of today.. I admit that I was quite tactless at that point of time, but I realised one thing.. all along I wasn't acting myself, whatever I did was after considering what the person involved might have any reaction. JZ said that I was being too sensitive, but this is the actual me.

People can say that I'm petty or what. But this is time to really be myself and not do things after over-weighing what the person might think or react. All in all, this weekend is not a good one for me...

So happy!!!

Yes.. finally finished my Logic Design lab 4 formal report. Really LOVE it man! That's my best report ever since I screwed up my electronics one... hmm, let's see how much would I be able to get for this one.

Did my quiz earlier in the day, not too bad, hopefully can pass it. After all it accounts for like 30% of the whole semester grades.(WTF?!)

Anyway counting down to exams... 4 more weeks only!!! ARGH!!!

More and more screwed...

That's what I am right now..

1. Went for training just now, but just cannot focus and awaken the zest in me in learning Wushu.

2. Currently mugging for econs right now and giving up my java lab, just for these 2 days.

3. STILL have my formal report untyped and 95% uncompleted.

When I get super depressed and stressed, I will have the very strong tendency and urge to poison myself... Just can't think of any alternatives to handle the stress. Soon I will really go bonkers...

Just tired...

Slept at 4.45am last night and woke up at 8am... because of my stupid lab 7 test. Well, it's not too difficult, though I gave up the first part, cos' my original lab could not go as far as required, but hopefully can get some consolation marks :)

Slacked for the afternoon and right now, I'm in TR 12, mugging for my logic design tutorial. So right now I have 3 important tasks to accomplish...

1. Hand in my Java lab 6 by this Thursday.

2. Hand in my Logic Design formal report by this Friday.

3. Study for econs quiz this Thursday :(

Numb

By Linkin Park

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be

Bad days...

All righty... have been too tired to update this blog... well for yesterday had performance at Suntec City, well it's not too bad, though the stage's a bit small.. and that girl was too nervous and she was so panicky to the point where she almost broke down... at least that's what I thought... but overall she performed well. Good job!!

Then today had another performance back in school, where I really feel like slapping myself for my performance... so sucky and so screwed up... but really overall not that bad, at least what my seniors said.. thank you!

And watched a drama serial just now, and realised that there's one saying that is true, not talking about the person does not mean that you have forgotten the person. Just that you have kept the person that you are thinking in a corner of your mind and heart, and when you are free you would bring the thought out and just treasure her in your heart...

*piak piak* OEI!!!! WAKE UP LAH!!!

And the answer is...

JAVA!!!

Haha... guess those seeing the previous post must be thinking that I'm still trapped in my emotions with her. Well, YOU'RE WRONG!!!

The feeling's back...

Yes.. it has come back.. and I've never ever felt so strongly before... it's heart-wrenching and no tears will come out even if I cry...

Interested to know what the hell I'm talking about, stay tuned...

I feel so stupid...

Why is it that other people are able to understand a particular subject so well even though they have no basics in that? Why is it that with the same period of time, they can fully understand and implement their knowledge whereas for me I can understand nothing at all? Is it that I do not put in enough effort to understand or just completely giving up hope in myself that I cannot make it?

Going off on a tangent, why is it that some people know what to say at the right time and be able to be together with the person they wish? Why is it that I seem to fail so miserably... always hearing the excuse "You're able to find a better one than me...".

Back to the topic, now I am seriously wondering whether I AM really cut to be a computer programmer. It's too tiring.... having so many things to understand and so many lab reports to finish. Gradually, I can no longer see my ultimate aim in coming into the University...

Interesting...

Think I've undergone another change in me... Somehow my tap will simply turn on and flow like nobody's business when I see or hear any sad songs, especially this song "tong(2) hua(4)" by Guang Liang.. so touching, but sad. I confess, I watched this MTV twice, and both times my eyes get flooded... Hmm... this IS interesting..

Finally ended...

Yes.. Exclaim 4 has finally ended with me, as usual, doing the logistics stuff.. sianz but oh well, at least got to know new people :). Started working from 10.30am and ended at 6.30pm, where I then rushed down to NY house for training(AGAIN!!!). Learnt new things today and liked the new routine a lot, cos' it looks fun.(duh)

Think I can sleep in peace for tonight with nothing to screw my night, except morons who do not know how to divert their handphones to their own number but instead diverted to mine... *toot* you asses!!!

P.S. I do really think that I'm putting too much time and effort into Wushu, hmm... really have to take stock of myself, can't get myself get carried away by things that are insignificant compared to studies...

Super shagged...

*toot* shagged man... did logistics stuff from 5 till close to 1am, now can't think properly what to write... damn sleepy now... ZZZzzz