Words

It's interesting how words can affect a person's mood THAT easily.. I realised that casually spoken words can have that big an impact on a person, especially when the friendship is close and sometimes words are used jestingly. The speaker may think that yeah, it's meant to be a joke, but the thing is they do not know that they've hurt the person in concern. What's worse is that the person do not really like to tick them off but rather keep it to himself. As a result, they think that he can take those jokes and thus continue along the line not knowing that sometimes it's too much to bear.

How I wish to tell the truth straight into the face, but the thing is, I hate to say, the friendship isn't that close to the extent that I can really say what I want. There are too many factors to consider. First and foremost is whether they want to listen and secondly, whether they are willing to understand and implement the changes without seriously affecting the friendship.

It hurts to take so many stressors at one time, and there's really a limit before things get horrendously blown out of proportion. I am but a human. Geez... how I wish such stuff did not need to cross my life. This is too naive a thinking, but then... sometimes... ignorance is bliss...

oops

Guess that the exam stress had kicked into me without knowing.. geez.. can't believe that I had actually posted THAT entry... anyway I've removed that from the publication and sorry ad, I've gotta hide the comments.

It seems that I wasn't really thinking logically when blogging, so after reviewing it, yeah... it appears that I've kinda had some hidden meaning in my words.. so to prevent any misinterpretation of my words I've took that down.

Anyway, exams are like less than a week away from now, so to prevent any distraction I'll just blog about schoolwork, no more about relationship stuff and whatnots.

*confused*

*this entry has been removed wef 25/10/2005*

Stuck by Stacie Orrico

Eh... thanks ar Ad... I am now really stuck to this song...

=================================

I can't get out of bed today
Or get you off my mind
I just can't seem to find a way
To leave the love behind

Bridge:
I ain't trippin
I'm just missing
You know what I'm saying
You know what I mean

You keep me hanging on a string
Why you make me cry
I tried to give you everything
But you just give me lies

Bridge

Bridge 2:
Every now and then
When I'm all alone
I've been wishing you would call me on the telephone
Say you want me back
But you never do
I feel like such a fool
There's nothing I can do
I'm such a fool
For you

Chorus:
I can't take it
What am I waiting for?
My heart's still breaking
I miss you even more
And I can't fake it
The way I could before
I hate you but I love you
I can't stop thinking of you (last time x2)
It's true
I'm stuck on you

Now love's a broken record that's
Been skipping in my head
I keep singing yesterday
Why we've got to play these games we play?

Bridge

Every now and then
When I'm all alone
I'll be wishing you will call me on the telephone
Say you want me back
But you never do
I feel like such a fool

Chorus

Bridge 2

Chorus

Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely

Don't ask me why I put up this lyrics. Just feel like it.
========================================

So many words for the broken heart
It's hard to see in a crimson love
So hard to breathe
Walk with me, and maybe
Nights of light so soon become
Wild and free I could feel the sun
Your every wish will be done
They tell me

Chorus:
Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart

Life goes on as it never ends
Eyes of stone observe the trends
They never say forever gaze, if only
Guilty roads to an endless love
There's no control
Are you with me now
Your every wish will be done
They tell me

(Chorus)

There's nowhere to run
I have no place to go
Surrender my heart, body and soul
How can it be you're asking me to feel the things you never show

You are missing in my heart
Tell me why I can't be there where you are

(Chorus x 2)

Interesting food for thought

1) Chronic Cheater

Never date a chronic cheater. Even though attraction has
a lot to do with whether a woman cheats on you or not (a woman
will be less likely to cheat on you if she's CRAZY about you),
some women are more prone to cheating. It's just in their DNA/
character and they can't help it. The moment you turn your back
on her and a hot stud (or even a not-so-hot guy) walks by, she's
going to want him.

Remember my rules on dealing with cheaters in a long-
term relationship. First strike, you can give her another chance
if you're feeling forgiving. Second strike and she's out of
your life permanently, because the fact that she has cheated
on you AGAIN proves that you've already made the mistake the
first time.

2) Golddigger

Call me a cheapskate, but never spend more than $40 on
a date. A woman should offer to pay half of the time. And if
she dares to ask you to buy her expensive things, it's time to
lay the smack down and throw her out.

3) Baggage Girl

Baggage girls are even worse than golddiggers. Golddiggers
take your money, which you could always earn back by working hard
and working smart. But baggage girls drain you of your energy
until you end up feeling depressed like her.

Forget about playing the therapist or "saving" the girl you
like. You're her BOYFRIEND, not her "therapist" or "vent outlet".

Remember what I always say: Relationships are ALREADY hard
enough to sustain with a "healthy" woman, so dating a woman
with a lot of emotional baggage is like ASKING FOR TROUBLE. It's
like carrying a rigged time bomb around your pocket, not knowing
when it will explode.

4) Self-Proclaimed Princess

The self-proclaimed princess is a spoiled little brat who
is too used to getting everything (and anything) she wants in life.
Rich parents, good looks, plenty of suitors to appease her. She breaks
a nail and she wants you to drive her to the nail salon immediately.
Cooking and doing house chores are out of the question for her.
She just wants to sit there and be pampered to death.

You can date a princess if she is flexible and WILLING to fit
herself into YOUR world. But if she doesn't, then it's time to
kick her into the air, back to the top of the castle tower where
she belongs.

By the way, here's a side tip: Never date a woman whose
father calls her 'Princess.' Chances are she believes it.


5) Chronic Bitch

Women that are negative about everything in life are deadly.
They argue about EVERYTHING and once married, their favorite hobby is
making their men feel guilty.

Here's how to test if a woman is a chronic: If you hear ANY
negative comment from her about ANYTHING on a first date, it's a sign
she has a lot of bent-up anger inside her. Run the other way.

Tired

It is interesting when people say that they know something is wrong, and they want to make things right. But look, talk is cheap. I can easily say that yeah, things will go back to normal. Goddamnit, you have to fucking put your words into actions!!! Can't you see that things are going form bad to worse? I don't wish that we can no longer be friends cos' of your actions. Hey, I too have problems. I can't possibly give a hard one to you and say things you don't wanna hear. At least, do expect that type of treatment when you're trying to take things out from a platonic one.

Please, I don't really want to lose any friends that I've made here, if you're still gonna have that kind of attitude then I'm not gonna give anymore chances. I'll make sure that you get what you asked for. And more.

You're pushing the envelop and my limit's reaching. I've flared once. Don't make me do the second time cos' of other people. I promise, it'll be very ugly if that day have to come.

*Pissed*

It's interesting how a person's mood swings can be so drastic... I was still quite all right from morning, but is like during the evening time I just feel so fucked up sia... perhaps not being able to do my 201 past year papers are one of the reasons, but think the main was that when I was doing my work, one of the main comm people came in with his friends. OK, I know that I do not have the sole priviledge of using THAT room, but is like... your privacy is kinda being invaded, when you have the room to yourself.

Fucked up la... tamade... already very sian still gena intruded lidat.. KNN

Pardon me for the complaints, just that I'm feeling SUPER bitchy right now and I can't possibly tell anyone of this straight in the face, so here I am, spewing out expletives at my poor little blog...

And the best part. My comp is screwing me up again. Can't paste the html tags, can't get access to the softwares that I want to run.. keep getting socket errors. TAMADE!!!

Lucky me

Had a close shave of losing my dear mobile phone due to my carelessness yesterday. What happened was that Loowee messaged me halfway during the CPE 104 make-up tutorial, so after reading the message i put the phone on the table beside me. Then, I actually left the room, after clarifying some doubts with the tutor, WITHOUT my goddamn phone. So darn stupid... but lucky this chap in my class was kind enuough to return me the phone, so... really thank my lucky stars...

On a lighter note, here are some lame stuff I heard over the radio a few days ago.

"You know, some people are like walking economies.... cos' their hairline is in RECESSION, their tummies are experiencing INFLATION and all these factors contribute to the onset of the GREAT DEPRESSION!!!"

duh!

and some words of wisdom from Alvin's friendster profile.

"Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit soft."

"The unforgivable crime is soft hitting. Do not hit at all if it can be avoided; but never hit softly."

Screw the SNAG phenomenon. The world needs real men.

Niceness comes from weakness; gentleness arises from strength.

If you do not lead by example, you do not lead at all. You merely
testiculate

PS: Testiculate has in any sense NO LINKAGE between the word testicles... please take EXTRA CARE!!!

I lost

All of a sudden I'm afraid, to face her again, even to look at her in the eyes. I thought I was able to stand up again and say confidently to myself and my friends around me that I've gotten over her. Yet today, as she was sitting beside me, I don't even dare to look at her... it seems that the courage that I've built up over these past few months had gone down the drain... is it that I still haven't gotten over her deep in my heart yet deceiving myself that the converse is true? Or is it that the happenings around my close friends has made my confidence taken a big knock?

Haiz.... do things really have to be so bad till I can't even talk to her? God knows...

Forgotten memories

I thought I have cleanly forgotten about Bernice already, but it seems that some of my friends have brought the matter back to my consciousness, and with it this song keep playing in my mind... kaoz... sianz...



How Did I fall in Love with You by Backstreet Boys

Remember when, we never needed each other
The best of friends like
Sister and Brother
We understood, we'd never be,
Alone

Those days are gone, and I want you so much
The night is long and I need your touch
Don't know what to say
I never meant to feel this way
Don't want to be
Alone tonight

[chorus:]
What can I do, to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?

I hear your voice
And I start to tremble
Brings back the child that, I resemble

I cannot pretend, that we can still be friends
Don't want to be,
Alone tonight

[chorus:]

[Bridge:]
Oh I want to say this right
And it has to be tonight
Just need you to know, oh yeah

I don't want to live this life
I don't want to say goodbye
With you I wanna spend
The rest of my life

[chorus:]
What can I do, to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
Everything's changed, we never knew

How did I fall,
in love ,
with you?

Promise broken

Yeah.. so much about hibernating for 2 months, but I can't help but blog about what has happened to my friends for these past few days and also about my personal life.. so here goes

Are love and infatuation two separate entities or can love develop from infatuation?
It is a blessing to be able to develop a relationship with the opposite sex.
But why is it that some people appears to be blessed with people who is always there ready to cherish them?
And other people would be like develop feelings for this particular guy/gal but dare not pursue these budding feelings?

Is it the fear of rejection or is it due to their low self-esteem/ self-confidence?
Or is it that they are afraid of these few words,
"You can find a better guy/girl than me..."
"I do not know what I've done to make you think that way, but we are only friends..."

I do not know these answers, and I seem to be unable to find these answers.
I wish to know the answers, yet on the other hand, I do not want to know them.
People say truth hurts. Yes, it scars. But why some people seem to be able to pick up the broken pieces so easily?
Is it that I'm good a guy and ladies prefer bad boys over SNAGS?


I just feel like a sore loser.
Listening to people sharing their secrets with me and I giving analysis of their problems like some big fuck
While I cannot even settle my personal problems with a clear head.
I may have gotten over her, but my mind's still a blank when my friends are talking about girls.

Is this girl pretty?
This girl very 'chio' lehz...
I've known (x) number of girls and all are like interested in me... How? Who to choose?

Goddamnit, there you are flaunting that you you have so many female friends and being in a dilemna
But can't you see that I'm still emotionally barren, unable to think straight for these past few months?

Ok, I'm not particularly screwing anybody here with my words.
I just feel that the heavens are unfair.
Bad boys can find girlfriends as easily as going into a supermarket and getting one off the shelf.
I've heard people saying that girlfriends are used for fucking and that it's stupid not to do so after spending $$ on her?
Is it due to the fact that I'm no advocate of that thinking, so I'm destined to be alone as long as I keep that mindset?

I do not know. I seriously do not know.
I just wanna run away from all these problems and find a dark alley. And cry.
Yeah go ahead, crybaby.
Continue to lick your own wounds and wallow in self-pity.
Nobody's gonna stop and offer you comfort.
Who are you to them? Or rather question yourself,
Who am I?
What am I here for?
Why do I exist in this world for?

Bah. I just feel so... ... 'whatever'
It's not as if after all these whining things will take a turnabout
She's not gonna say, "Can we start things all over again?"
In the end, I'm still alone in this world.
Void of emtions and feelings.
After all, I'm worthy of no one in this world.
I don't think any girl would want to be in a relationship with me.
With a worthless piece of trash who indulges in self-pity.
WHATEVER!!!

Some updates

Well had dinner with Shifu and the rest of the Wushu people at New Park Hotel for Japanese buffet. Food's yummy, and think I stuffed myself silly with the sashimi and what-nots... and also for the first time saw Picasso Tan up close and personal. Doesn't look local with the dyed hair though. Haha.

Though most of ya people know that things are already sorted in my head (using linear sorting. Haha (-_-)|||), but still I initally wanted to keep my distance from Bernice her but then... maybe I'm reading too much into her actions... instead of sitting with GT, she actually changed her place and sat beside me... gosh... I was like, hey... can't you sense that I'm trying to keep my distance between the both of us...

But anyway, I do enjoy the company with the people whom were once close to me. Came back to hall at 11.30pm and en route to NTU, we experienced a heavy downpour... kinda fun but sucks... then poor Simin, she called me and said that she suspect that she fractured her toe... ke lian *pat pat*. Hope that there's no fracture and just a ligament pull only.

Well, gotta go off soon, exams are like 27 days away... gotta start revising already. Hopefully after the exams I can go club till I drop with my friends during my birthday. Hehe.

This blog shall thus hibernate for 2 months starting from now.