Dilemna

Well my haunch is correct... things ain't what they seem. Maybe we take things for granted. Or taken by convenience. I guess the words make sense. When people gets too close, as in beyond the comfort zone of any particular relationship, somehow, the brain will simply start to screw itself up. I've been through those periods of time, and it doesn't feel good.

True, absensce makes the heart grow fonder, in the sense that people will find it 'easier' to relate to you since you've been MIA for some time in their lives. However, out of sight, out of mind. I kinda guess it's true, judging from my Wushu friends, perhaps I'm wrong. But it seems that the friendship's drifting apart from a handful of peeps whom I can sometimes call to and pour out to them.

And also, the human heart is a mystery itself. True, some of my friends may feel that the void they experience is too long a time. Come on, at least the case is that they were in one before. At least they have experienced the feeling of being loved by someone other than their families. Compared to them, what then, should I be feeling? I've been cheated on twice, and I can say that I gave my heart to them unselfishly. But in the end? I was hurt badly. Very. What then, is inside me? Vacuum? I don't know. I just feel drained. Perhaps it's true. I don't show my love to the girl I like outwardly. Which is very unlike of the outspoken me. It seems that I kinda tend to do the wrong things at the wrong time. Or my mind starts to have 'wrong' thoughts about other people. Nothing dirty, but they are the thoughts where I shouldn't have headed in the direction into in the first place.

Haiz... even with all these contradictions in the way my life is going on, I still have to rally myself and get over these feelings that hit me periodically. Cos' what one of my friends said is true. Girls are attracted to guys who have self-confidence. It's not say I want to attract girls per se. I want to be like that for my OWN sake. It's too tired to change your personality because of one person. If it keeps changing, soon I guess I'll lose my original personality and reach to the stage of 'losing the true oneself'. Nothing's gonna daunt me, cos' I know that the sun will still rise tomorrow and with it, along brings new hope and beliefs.

How blue can I get
You could ask my heart
But like a jigsaw puzzle it's been torn all apart
A million words couldn't say just how I feel.

Heh. nobody's gonna pity you, Ju.
Lick your own wounds and stop whining. *slaps*