Reflections for the year 2005

As this year comes to an end in another few hours' time, I feel it's interesting to recall the occurrences that kinda made this year a special one. Hopefully the stuff that I thought of is in chronogical order ^.^

1)The passing away of my maternal grandma... haiz...

2)The performance at Toa Payoh which, at that point of time, we were still quite close... as a whole... and that's when the feelings start to bud... hur hur...



2)The NTU Wushu Display 2005 held at Bukit Batok, West Mall. Quite fun ^^



3)NTU CE day. Damn busy. But that's how I got to know the current FC of the 6th com.

4)The scolding. Whatever.

5)1st China trip with my family. It rocks big time. This's at Shanghai Huang Pu River.



6)2nd trip to Shanxi for Wushu, where I broke my knee. *sob* That's when everything was still all right for everyone. Heh. Which means more than 1 incident happened. Especially when the boys got dead drunk.



7)My first physio with the chinese sinseh. Pooh. That hurts big time.

8)The clear-up and eventual avoidance.

9)The fustration over my 201 partner. Heh. Idiot.

10)I guess it's the most 'memorable'. The ultimate conflict.

11)The Sentosa trip and the dinner at Marche... it's like so...

12)'Emotional breakdown'. How I wished that she didn't give me that answer back then.

13)The dinner. It was real fun. And hope that she would make the change. I really hope so.

Guess that's it. 13. That's my lucky number too. Ha. Anyway, wish anyone who bothers to follow up with my blog a happy new year. Let us be blessed with the vigour and intelligence to get through the next semester.


Finally after 2 years
I'm spending my new year eve at home

Great day

Today's kinda like any other day, until I was bored and went to jail, that is, Conqueronline jail. At first it started out as simply boring pking, till I chanced upon a bad guy. In the sense of like being a scammer? or whatever. Until someone suggested breaking his items' durability. Which is a very bad joke. But heck. That chap's durability went from like 54/65 to like totally destroyed. Guess the other players were like really laughing their asses off.

Later met up for dinner and well... food's not bad, except for the seafood. Which totally sucks. Too bad... and after that had some pep talk about the future. Which really opened up my eyes alot. Phew, guess that kind of talk is only possible with the right people. Oh well. Will post a couple of pictures later, and I can't wait for term start. I'm gonna rock and roll. ^.^

Here's the ss during the attacking



and after the shit's done.



lmao.

Another 'wet' day

I think I'm not blogging sanely right now.. in fact I'm abit drowsy now. Not from any medication or lack of sleep. Rather, today's my sinus day. Which means lots of trees are wasted because of my runny nose as well as my left eye keeps tearing like nobody's business. As a result? I missed my training AGAIN. Kaoz. If this goes on I'll be *toot* bloated like you-know-who. Whatever. This seriously sucks. And I can't believe that I'll need to bear with such a condition for the rest of my lifetime.


Santa, I just wanna my eye to stop tearing.
And my nose not 'running' anymore.
Please???

Badly needed cleanup

As kinda usual, my hall's a tad bit too messy, so did some cleanups and changed my table alignment. Hopefully the change of the 'wind water' can help in my coming semester. >.<

Anyway, it seems downright funny that people get pissed off with me cos' I didn't bother to pick up their phones. Come on... you mean that you're that petty? OMG, guess the problem's in you, not me.

And as I am typing now, apparently my neighbour's girlfriend's in his room... and.. the familiar scent is now assailing my nose now, and that reminds me of one person... lol... but luckily the dust has settled. No more stirups and messy handling of situations. hur hur. Last but not least, 1 more week to the next school term. I only pray that He(whoever that may be) may bless me with the strength and valour to get through it with decent grades.

你是我的幸福吗

总是相信有更好的
会在前方
就不顾一切的飘洋过海去
用尽一生寻找

倦了累了渴望拥抱
却找不到
才忽然想起你
还在我身后静静等着我
给我依靠

你是我的幸福吗
为何幸福让人如此犹豫
爱情渐渐模糊
你的付出我总不够清楚

你是我的幸福吗
为何幸福让人变得忧郁
我爱你不再怀疑
只想对你说我愿意

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*edited at 6.53pm*

ok, this song popped up to me as I was watching one of the soaps on Channel U, and the show's real lame right down to the core. I couldn't stop myself from laughing hysterically as the plot unfolds. Interesting way of spending an Eve afternoon though. Bleah. And with this song, more came to my head as I was cleaning up myself just now...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

注定

经过多少的路你我之间变无数
在情感的国度我只为你赴
纵然你身边陌生的脸扰乱我们的脚步
我不在乎追逐你的全部
走过多少迷雾问我到底何时觉悟
在情感的世界我只为你哭
多少次你我面临未路你说这是最初的错误
淌泪的心只愿为你付出

难道注定这是我们要走的路
所有的苦痛让我为你背负
我的心为你停驻被你俘掳
只怪自己为你执迷不悟
难道注定这是我们要走的路
可不可以让你把我看清楚
别让我永远追逐不再孤独
陪你渡过一生的路最真的幸福

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

想见你

疲倦的背包它不问我是否寂寥
无奈的手表孤单地走过每一秒
阳光静悄悄街上有人拥抱我听得到
没有人知道口袋里我藏着你的味道

想见你 没有你 城市再炫也没意义
热闹的全都是你幻影

想见你 心太急 狂奔拥挤的人群里
多希望下一秒就见到你

天虽然很高思念像云笼罩我很低潮
我所有沉默如果你看得到给我拥抱
微风轻轻飘寂寞在笑声里默默喧闹
只有我知道不需要再寻找谁的依靠

想见你 没有你 每天生活只剩呼吸
闭上眼晃动的全都是你

想见你 我的心 其实从来不曾离去
这一生只想和你在一起

想见你 我的心 其实从来不曾离去
全世界最重要的就是你

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


缘起缘灭
心无增减
传艳， 你一定行的！！！

With age comes along wisdom

I guess it's true after all. I was watching the telly where there's this bikini babe prancing around. My family members were like, whoa! so big! With that, I was telling them that do they worry when their son's no longer feel anything if these stuff appear anywhere. On the surface, yeah, they do worry. But it seems that I no longer lust after the female body. It's more on the mentality part. Whether we have the same ideals. Whether we can communicate well.

It's kinda irritating to see girls behaving 'bimbotically', much less trying to converse with them. And I turn a blind eye when something 'bright' flashes in front of me. My blood no longer run fast. Well, at least I won't stare at stuff and places where I'm not supposed to look. heh. Another step for me. In my ideals.


因为身旁的你彻底占有我的心
爱像自投罗网般不能自己
不后悔疯狂爱你
不顾一切只为你
因为我早已准备好说我愿意

Slack

So much for wanting to start studying. Yet I'm still dota-ing and playing my Conqueronline. That's bad. Real bad. Anyway, as I was making my way back to home, apparently one gal gave me a flyer. In it was promoting this particular tuition centre for teaching English. OMFG. Do I really look like a Mr Tiong? or a Mr Bang. Geez... seriously.. people look but don't see... lol. And yeah, today's the day for eating glutonous rice balls(pardon if my spelling's wrong. >.<). Guess my family's gonna scream my head off if I'm not back at home today. That's it for now. Wanna keep it short.


Time to pull up my socks.
Ganbatte!

Getting toyed around with words

Ok.. this post is a tad bit too late.. cos' my results were out like.. yesterday? or on monday... couldn't remember. Well... kinda relieved that I failed only 1 subject... cos' for the last semester, if my memory did not fail me, I don't think I studied much. So yeah... the rest all passed. Which I thank my stars for that.

Anyway, I don't think that my command of English is that bad, but apparently I was wrong. As I was reading through some stuff, some letters magically strung together stumped me. I was like... whoa... what the hell do these words mean? I was glad that when I searched for the words, the shorthand was beside the word. Sort of. Until I had to figure out how to prounounce the shorthand. The words in concern are connoting and pedantic.

My God, I have enough troubles trying to understand what the ideas are. Please don't screw my mind with your words. Although I'll foresee another screwing of the mind soon.

And yeah... apparently this is the time for people to think of relationship stuff... cos' one of my aquaintances(yeah downgraded from the status from a friend) is lamenting about spending Christmas alone at home without a girlfriend to go out with. Bleah. If it's really that sad go jerk off yourself. hur hur. It's not as if the world's gonna crash or what-nots man.

And that brings me to the topic that I wanna touch upon. It seems that I've becoming more and more uncomfortable with the female species. As in that, I'm still quite all right with my female friends, but for strangers, I simply get so uncomfortable if they're just standing beside me. Nope, no physical contact, but the proximity's making me feel queasy big time. Geez... I think I didn't take my pills this morning... it's just so unlike me.. but whatever. Let nature take its course. If it's meant to be, it'll be. No point forcing yourself when there will never be an outcome. In the meantime, it's back to my reading. :)


My reputation and past relations
Don't mean a thing when it comes to passion
But we're too shy to try what's right
Can't make the first move even though I try


Courtesy from Elva Hsiao ^_^

Wonder

Am I really doing what I'm kinda 'not supposed' to do? I believed in the past that for me to do anything, I've gotta give my best shot and at least, do the person proud that he/she have such a student/friend.

Apparently I'm wrong. Big time. In some instances, people do not really 'expect' me to have the reaction that I thought they wanted. For example. One can keep complaining about some problems. But when I offer help, they reject it. So is that a hint that I should turn a deaf ear to whatever they complain about? I've tried doing that before, but I failed miserably. The only thing I can do is to literally turn a deaf ear(with a blind eye thrown in) or in some instances, chastise the person about the behaviour that gets on the nerves.

Seriously, a part of me really feel like giving it up in view of the current situation. Yet, another part of me knows that the expectancy to get back is, at least to me, very great. I'm in another catch-22 situation that I find myself often stuck in. To say or not to say? To call or not to call? To go or not to go? Damn it. I simply feel so fucking fustrated and helpless. Yet, I can't really complain, cos' many a time I allowed myself to be like that. To analyse every step and take the seemingly most logical route. Only to find myself taking the downright worst road after the first step. For me, turning back is not a choice. Apparently, 'turning back' does not exist in my voabulary.

Geez. I guess the only being that knows my innermost feelings is nobody other than God. I'm not a Christian per se, but I believe His existence. As quoted:


"Who is God?"

"When you want something real badly and you close your eyes and pray, He's the one who ignores you"


Perhaps yes, perhaps no. I do know that I have to 'get out of it', like what one of my friends say, but I badly need the strength to do so. Not that I'm bloody weak, more so when I get flashbacks. Of course, I can't keep living in the past and discard the present and future. But I do need a pillar of strength. It's not like that chap's not enough. Yeah, he's good at listening, but guess I need more. In the sense of a girl who is there whom I can pour my heart out, whilst she's there listening and offering advice as well as a good scolding when I deserved it. I can't possibly keep bugging HER about my problems. Seriously, who am I to her? Just another normal friend to her. She too has her fair share with her problems as well. I can't give her extra problems when she's trying her best to sort out her life as well.

*lost for words*

Whatever. This long windbag shall just keep it shut and not do excess stuff.

Shopping!

Went to John Little for my kinda Christmas shopping and got some ties for my formal shirts. Gotten 2 for 20 bucks, but couldn't find any decent shirts and jeans as well. Too bad.. perhaps I really need to get to B.U.M. for my jeans. They're really too comfortable for my liking.

True, shopping really lifts a person's spirits. Not that I'm in a bad mood, but then I get too nostalgic at moments, so yeah... felt great after shopping, but at the same time, felt really tired.. lol

Mindful or care-less?

Mindful or care-less?
Mindful or care-less?
Mindful or care-less?
Mindful or care-less?
Mindful or care-less?
Mindful or care-less?
Mindful or care-less?
Mindful or care-less?
Mindful or care-less?


How I really wanna find the answer.

Scary

After rotting in hall for 3 straight days with Conqueronline as my only target, I'm proud to say that my archer's finally gotten 3 levels stronger. Phew. Took me damn long for that. From a pathetic level 93 archer to a level 96 archer today. Haha. Had to endure body aches and what nots..

And what this post deserves this title was my relevation of the previous posts. I sound so *toot* despondent over BGRs!!! My God... is this the "me" that logged in these past few days to blog? Perhaps is that particular day that made me think of her... though I've gotten over her, no?

Like one of my friends questioned me: Is it really that "fantastic" to be in a relationship before? Perhaps so, cos' at least there's someone close to you who is there sharing your problems. What about same-sex friends? Hmmm... it'll be quite wrong for 2 guys to hug each other... 2 girls still not that bad... so yeah... get the point? Bleah. The irrational and over-emotional Chuanyan had completely overwritten the usually rational Julian. Maybe that's because I've managed to cool down my head cos' I've much less of THAT? Perhaps so. My friend was like, whoa.. what made you do that? Eh... no vices here, more on my appearance.. And I realised that I've used too many "perhaps" and "maybe" in this entry. Geez.. I just can't make things out. What a wishy-washy person I am..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



The First Cut Is The Deepest by Sheryl Crow

I would have given you all of my heart
but there's someone who's torn it apart
and she's taking almost all that I've got
but if you want, I'll try to love again
baby I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest, baby I know
The first cut is the deepest
'cause when it comes to being lucky she's cursed
when it comes to lovin' me she's worst
but when it comes to being loved she's first
that's how I know

The first cut is the deepest, baby I know
The first cut is the deepest

I still want you by my side
just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
cause I'm sure gonna give you a try
and if you want, I'll try to love again
but baby, I'll try to love again, but I know

The first cut is the deepest, baby I know
The first cut is the deepest

'Cause when it comes to being lucky she's cursed
when it comes to lovin' me she's worst
but when it comes to being loved she's first
that's how I know

The first cut is the deepest, baby I know
The first cut is the deepest

How am I supposed to react?

Had a shock when I checked my mail just now.. One of my DEEEEEAR sub-commer replied when he was supposed to give me an answer by last week. OMFG! I was dumbfounded when I read it. BIG TIME. Err... am I supposed to give him the benefit of doubt that he didn't have internet connection back in his homeland? I don't know. Anyway. It's his fault that he didn't reply on time. And if the shirt doesn't fit him, I don't give a *toot* care about it. Priority will go to those who replied me on time.


Grrr... well done boy...


I'm calm
I'm calm
I'm calm

Heck. I'm just bluffing myself.

*sniffle sniffle*

Had a very bad nose day, cos' of yesterday.. went to visit my grandmother at AMK and en route, I came across some ah-peks who are smoking their ah-pek cigarettes. Though I can safely say that I'm quite used to 'modern' cigarette smoke, but the pungent smoke seriously choked me big time. And from then on, I had to survive with my tissue packs. Grrr.. and as a result, I slept super early yesterday and in the end, I screwed my biological clock today. I even missed my Wushu training. Damn. And I have to get to Hall 7 Office to report lost key. Geez... this sure is sickening. Results are not out yet. God knows when it'll be released. Hols are not as 'exciting' as I wanted to be. Though I kinda expected it. Friends are either busy with work or with their exams or God-knows-what. Who cares. I'm gonna curl myself up in my shell.


我静静的望着天空
试着寻找失落的感动
只能用笑容
期待着雨过天晴的彩虹

How I wished that she would call me yesterday
But I know that it's near impossible
After all, I was the one who started
The game of avoidance

What an idiot...

I had to go back to school today, cos' my phone's totally flat for the whole of yesterday. Almost. Met up with LW at night to pass him my hall key, thinking that he would be able to help me get my charger and pass it to me tomorrow. Yet... the key's misplaced, and guess I'll need to get a replacement soon...

As I was coming back home at Aljunied, it seems that the radio's playing with me as well... songs like Bon Jovi's "Always" and Utada Hikaru's "First Love" was like one after another... not so much about "Always", but I felt more moved when the latter was playing. After all, I'm so near her home, and we used to be so close, really close. We got so near, yet we were so far. Especially when bits and pieces of memory simply flashed across my mind.. I don't really wish I can turn back time, but well... it's just so heart-wrenching, especially when I think about what happened to her.. Perhaps, if I were to cry for a girl, she would be the one...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When he holds you close, when he pulls you near
When he says the words you've been needing to hear
I'll wish I was him 'cause those words are mine
To say to you till the end of time

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

为了你， 我愿意放弃我自己
为了你， 我愿付出一切以博你一笑
为了你， 再大的牺牲都是值得的
可是，
“你” 会真的出现吗？
还是我一厢情愿的等着？
看来我今夜起，
不会再让自己在思念里沉沦

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


It takes only a minute to fall in love
But it takes a lifetime to sustain the love
Do I have the lifetime?

*Muted*

Ok... this post came in really late, cos' I intended to put it up this morning at around 5am, but was too tired.

Anyway watched the movie 'The Pianist' and it was way good. This movie makes me think about life and things that we take for granted. For example, in the show, the Nazis made the Jews walk in the gutters instead of the pavement on the streets. I can't imagine something bad happens here and some races that the invader hates are forced to do such things as well. All human dignity have been stripped away from them and they literally have to live like dogs at the mercy of the Germans.

Which makes me feel like bringing up some points... as the day draws closer, somehow or rather, I'm getting more and more depressed. I shouldn't have any reason to feel depresesd or what-nots, but the thing is... I do wanna hope that things will work out.. I don't wanna feel used or manipulated in the end... yes, I appreciate what is being done for me, but still... geez... the expectation of failure is there. Should I totally give it up or cash in on a very faint glimmer of hope that things will work out? Maybe yes, maybe no. At the end of it, I'm still me...


As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man

Back to Base

Had to get back to Base this morning, and was having mixed feelings about it. After all, it has been 1 1/2 years since I've left that hellish place.. so guess lotsa stuffs have changed, or it seems so. I'll break the travelling down...


External bus


On the way to the Base, I've noticed something interesting... in Singapore there's this place called Xilin Ave... and interestingly enough, we made use of the software Xilinx for our calculator/traffic light... geez...

The coast road's still in very bad shape, guess is that people have made use of the road so much that the authorities didn't really bother repairing, cos' there's no point in doing so... I guess...

And the land redevelopment by PUB... well, no more gaping chasms anymore. The place is now levelled with building on it...


Pass Office


That's one place that I would really scruntinise, cos' after all, I was from there... and not much has changed. Except that it's kinda more like those TOTO/4D shops. Book-in/out slips are left for visitors/contractors to help themselves with. Though the unit logo looks much cooler. And the S.S on duty. Put it this way. If they were my understudy then, they would surely get hell from me. WHAT THE *TOOT* THAT TYPE OF ATTITUDE IS IT??!! Entry passes are no longer being placed carefully. Instead, they are slid along the plastic shield and they are like seriously showing *toot* attitude when changing passes! WTF. And I do think that one of them had hearing problems. Cos' I told them that they should be informed about ME COMING. And one of the jokers heard as INCOMING!!!

And the stupid bird. It's still so slack as ever. People still can enter the base with their freaking camera phones! I think they must be served 30 days RP and then they will know the seriousness of it...

And last of all... the total *toot*ing up of PO. I was issued a pass of which the serial number printed on the front and rear side is totally different, and what screwed up BIG TIME was that the pass was a green one. BUT. What was printed on the reverse was a red one. Hah. Well done PO. You managed to disgrace yourself in front of an ex-personnel.


fast forward



HQ


I nearly fainted when I saw the building. The building's still the same, no doubt, but what made the difference is the wordings on it.


HOME OF THE S.S.


My God! I was like... whoa, they're proud, ain't it... and the walls... painted with stuff by the S.S trainees... kinda like morale boosting stuff.. but for my 2 cents, I really think that it's lame...

Lucky that the clerks are still the same, though one of them quit and the other was posted to another base. I guess they're surprised to see me... haha.. Caught up with Sim, and yeah... glad that people still remembered me. And I finally got to see him. Haah. No comments, no badmouthing.


Canteen/Mart


Really glad that the auntie remembered who the hell I was, cos' I gave her kinda hell of a time in the past in her contractors entering.. haha.

MY GODMOTHER!!! I swear she was downright surprised to see me.. cos' I was very close to her during my stint... helping her with her contractors. Haha.. so chatted for quite some time, about her work, my studies and as always... whether I'm attached... lol...
She enlightened me a lot in that aspect.. though I wasn't really expecting much in that aspect.. simply taking things easy...

And last of all... apparently I'll be seeing them soon again... cos' I be charged for AWOL for IPPT... but I won't be penalised cos' I had MC... but the thought of being charged... it's just so darn lame...


心疼心疼
只怕有心没人疼

对不起我爱你

没别的只想说对不起
对不起我真的爱你
不管你会怎么想你怎么说
也不会改变我的决定

你知道有时候感情事很难说
很难说爱人或朋友
从前到现在我真的感觉要
一想你我的心就发烧

想给你听我的心跳
想你知道我睡的不好
喝水想着你
搭车想着你
合眼闭眼间出现的全是你

我猜不到你的表情
我等不到你的回应
不想难为你
又不想放弃你
决定告诉你
对不起对不起我爱你

没别的只想说对不起
怎么样我都会珍惜
不管你会怎么讲
你怎么做
也不会影响我的心情

你知道有时候男孩更难捉摸
难捉摸爱人或朋友
现在到永远我真会感觉要
一想你我的心就狂跳

我的模样记不记得牢
情人卡有没有收到
读书想着你
听歌想着你
大地和蓝天
出现的全是你

我才不管你的表情
我才不理你回不回应
不想难为你
又不想放弃你
决定告诉你
对不起对不起我爱你

你听一听我的心跳
你看一看我睡的不好
喝水想着你
搭车想着你
合眼闭眼间出现的全是你

我猜不到你的表情
我等不到你的回应
不想难为你
又不想放弃你
决定告诉你
对不起对不起我爱你


You stepped into my life
Filling my world with your laughter
But did you know that
You have stepped into my heart as well?

Updates from Conqueronline 2 Halloween event

It's been some time since that quest was over, but there are some stuffs that I find interesting, cos' Halloween's about having pumpkin soup. So there's some 'love letters' from the GMs in the form of the random presents in the pumpkin bag. OK... starting to bore people with the intro shit, so here goes... I guess there's some sayings which some can relate to... no names mentioned here though.. lol

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


You came to me, and came back into my life. Your aroused deep love in my heart, but left soon with my heart-piercing emotion. I miss you so much. Days and nights, I dream that one day, you walk towards me, waving your hand, with attracting smile while I walk towards you with my arms wide opened, then we hug together, tightly, and happily. It is only a daydram, I know you will not come back.

--------------------------

Love is beautiful, wonderful and sweet feeling. When I met you at the first sight, I fell in love with you. You are so conspicuous and attracting in crowds. Your beauty and elegance choked me. My heart beat fast. I can not move my eyes from you.

--------------------------

I could not stand being rejected any more. I am so coward that I do not dare to imagine that you, my lover, that you are willing to be with me. I know I will not be lonely any longer. Because you are there. My heart will go wherever you go.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Awww... whoever came up with this must be damn smart with such love letters... so sweet.... and yeah... I believe my willpower to overcome one of my 'evildoings' is stronger now, cos... I don't feel the impulse nor mood to do it... I believe I'll be able to quit it by year end. In the meantime, I'm gonna train myself hard in Wushu. Concentrate, just concentrate and I'll be able to do it. Ja, ganbatte!


To give freely and unselfishly
Is this being over-caring
Or just doing what's not supposed to?

Dilemna

Well my haunch is correct... things ain't what they seem. Maybe we take things for granted. Or taken by convenience. I guess the words make sense. When people gets too close, as in beyond the comfort zone of any particular relationship, somehow, the brain will simply start to screw itself up. I've been through those periods of time, and it doesn't feel good.

True, absensce makes the heart grow fonder, in the sense that people will find it 'easier' to relate to you since you've been MIA for some time in their lives. However, out of sight, out of mind. I kinda guess it's true, judging from my Wushu friends, perhaps I'm wrong. But it seems that the friendship's drifting apart from a handful of peeps whom I can sometimes call to and pour out to them.

And also, the human heart is a mystery itself. True, some of my friends may feel that the void they experience is too long a time. Come on, at least the case is that they were in one before. At least they have experienced the feeling of being loved by someone other than their families. Compared to them, what then, should I be feeling? I've been cheated on twice, and I can say that I gave my heart to them unselfishly. But in the end? I was hurt badly. Very. What then, is inside me? Vacuum? I don't know. I just feel drained. Perhaps it's true. I don't show my love to the girl I like outwardly. Which is very unlike of the outspoken me. It seems that I kinda tend to do the wrong things at the wrong time. Or my mind starts to have 'wrong' thoughts about other people. Nothing dirty, but they are the thoughts where I shouldn't have headed in the direction into in the first place.

Haiz... even with all these contradictions in the way my life is going on, I still have to rally myself and get over these feelings that hit me periodically. Cos' what one of my friends said is true. Girls are attracted to guys who have self-confidence. It's not say I want to attract girls per se. I want to be like that for my OWN sake. It's too tired to change your personality because of one person. If it keeps changing, soon I guess I'll lose my original personality and reach to the stage of 'losing the true oneself'. Nothing's gonna daunt me, cos' I know that the sun will still rise tomorrow and with it, along brings new hope and beliefs.

How blue can I get
You could ask my heart
But like a jigsaw puzzle it's been torn all apart
A million words couldn't say just how I feel.

Heh. nobody's gonna pity you, Ju.
Lick your own wounds and stop whining. *slaps*

Mission completed

It's finally over... went for sentosa yesterday for sun-tanning, but for me, guess is sun tanning while sleeping.. lol. Quite fun over there, though something seems to be missing..

Later in the evening, we met up at Marche for dinner with Bingjin, Sandhya, Linus, and the 4 of us. Had lotsa fun there... I admit that I was feeling abit forlorn then, but thanks to Bingjin, she lifted up my spirits. Too bad I can't borrow out my camera, if not I'll be crazy snapping pictures away. Initially wanted to go club, but then... haiz... went back hall after rotting some time away in Coffee Bean after Marche. Not very exciting huh...

Anyway here's some pictures taken in Marche ^_^



Now THIS is what I call beauty and the downright beast.



Loowee, Linus and me.



Too bad Bingjin's not in this photo... so sad...



Our dessert out at Coffee Bean

Pretty glad that this event is over... God knows what I went through during this period... phew

How to trust a person's words
When he/she says that he/she misses you
How much trust can you give?

Unwanted

I do think that I'm an unwanted child.

I seriously do.

Wierd...

Although everything's settled, but my head still rest uneasily on the pillow... it seems that I've not gotten over the initial disappointment that I've faced at KFC... gosh... am I really that emotional?