Drastic....

Just as I was about to lament that this Saturday's outing is cancelled, I had a shot in the arm, cos' Paul confirmed with me that even if Junqin's not going, he's still keen for the outing. Where previously it was like I had to hide my disappointment and tell the rest of the peeps that it'll be cancelled. I guess I organised the whole outing with zest knowing that we'll have a good time together, but when Bingjin and Junqin told me that they are unable to come down, it was like... whoa...

Couldn't say that my world came crashing down, but I know that they had no choice too.. so... it became horrendous today when I had to cancel all the plans that I had painstakingly organised and planned out for our 2 'special' gals... a veggie and a mumbling toothie...

I guess I was kinda like a lifeless piece of leaf floating from Orchard back to Bishan, and decided to get to the amusement arcade where little girls are playing around with the para para machine and me playing the puzzle fighter. And thankfully they did me some good in picking up myself... yeah.. that's a duper old game, but sometimes, some stuff are better old than new. Well, I do pray that there will be no more hiccups from now till Saturday.. I don't think I have the strength to carry me through such drastic experiences anymore.

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~
~
~

Half-drained, with nobody to lean on for support.
I have to be strong, cos' I can't afford to be a weakling

So... I am that screwed up...

Haha.. saw the so-called "17 major flaws" in me.. and interestingly enough, I notice some pointers mentioned were like "aiya.. never mind la...". So you mean that you are just patronising me in the first place. And that also means that if you don't have the blals to tell me off at that moment of time and then later hurl everything at me, you ain't treating me the way a true friend does. So, guess this had made my mind clearer of what type of person are you. And it's all a pack of lies that you took care of me before.

Whatever. Like what I've said before, my life's ain't incomplete without you. Find me irritating, then just throw me away from your life. I don't give a *toot* hoot about it.

Back to my other 'training'

4 days had passed since my last paper, and since bored, I've decided to get back to my other training: Chinese Chess. Yeah, now taken to analysing all the midgames and endgames strategies.. It's been a long time since I've done this, so guess my hols still can be kept occupied ^_^

Slighted

Simply feel abit pissed off today... why is it that people like to play with the usage of simple words and the implications of an answer? I know that I'm not good with my command of english, and I'm not good with manipulating words to my favour, so please. Stop treating me as if I'm some chap who have some feud with you. And stop all the threats. I'm simply sick and tired of it.

Everytime I Close My Eyes by Babyface

Leeched quite an amount of mp3s last night, and found this song to be... well... it's good, as in it's a love song, but the word 'love' only appeared once in the entire lyrics. Guess this is real suitable for a chap with super low confidence about himself having a super duper good girl who is willing to be his better half. Heh. Am I talking about myself.. bah... forget it man... ahaha. Here goes..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Girl it's been a long, long time comin', yes it has
But I, I know that it's been worth the wait
It feels like springtime in winter
It feels like Christmas in June
It feels like heaven has opened up it's gates for me and you

CHORUS:
Every time I close my eyes
I thank the lord that I've got you
And you've got me too
And every time I think of it
I pinch myself cuz I don't believe it's true
That someone like you loves me too

Girl I think that you're truly somethin', yes you are
And you're, you're every bit of a dream come true, yes you are
With you baby, it never rains
And it's no wonder
The sun always shines when I'm near you
It's just blessing that I have found somebody like you
Ooh Oh

CHORUS

To think of all the nights I've cried myself to sleep
You really oughta know how much you mean to me
It's only right, it's only right
(In my life) that you be in my life right here with me
Oh baby, baby, yeah

(-Kenny G. sax solo-)

I'll tell you girl that...

(Chorus to fade)

Man... I'm so weak...

Just did my second round of toning for my body, mainly the abs area.. 2 days ago I started the futile attempt to tone up for next saturday's sentosa trip... I managed like 2 sets of excercise consisting of 50 crunches, 25 flutter kicks and 10 leg lifts....

Just now added some more punch, did 3 sets consisting of 60 crunches, 30 flutter kicks and 15 leg lifts... but man, I nearly died from ab cramps... geez.. it's been donkey months I've excercised since I twisted my knee, and this is how badly my body's detoriated... gosh... I gotta pull up my socks after exams in the area of excercise... can't afford to slack anymore...

Looking forward to the sentosa trip. It's time to unwind. :)

Lyrics for Unstuck

Yeah... I wrote this out of total boredom from studying CPE 204... so here goes...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Since the day you left me
My world was in tatters
You took away all our sweet memories
And left behind endless pain and sorrow

I've lost all sense of direction
Of purpose in life
I'ld go to all the places we've been together
And cry silently at night when I think of you
Though I know

(Chorus)

This is not the end of the world
And I must stand up, stronger than ever
I may not be accustommed to life without you
But I tell myself,
I will, eventually, stand up on my own
And depend on you no longer

Until the day I saw
Another person in your arms
I saw my foolishness, never so clearly before
That I mean nothing to you
And I've grown, to treat your love
As nothing to me

(Chorus)

This is not the end of the world
And I must stand up, stronger than ever
I may not be accustommed to life without you
But I tell myself,
I will, eventually, stand on my own
And throw you out of my life.

Pissed

I have absolutely no intention to post 3 entries in one day.. but I don't think I can tolerate it anymore.

WHY IS IT THAT PEOPLE DO NOT HAVE THE *toot* COW SENSE TO BE CONSIDERATE??!!

Grrr... for a moment I thought things are all right already, albeit being the fifth wall, at least there is this common sense to plug on the *toot* earphones when listening to mp3. I don't *toot* mind if the volume's still in the acceptable level, but it's so *toot* loud that people 10km can hear it!!!

Ok, I'm just being sarcarstic here, but you get the idea, yeah? Come on la... for *toot* God's sake, please have some consideration won't ya?

If you wanna blame me, then why in the first place you *toot* block me on your MSN and simply treat me as invisible. Since you wanna play this game, I can return the ball back to your court. It just gets so *toot* *toot* *toot* that you don't tell me what the *toot* wrong is with me. And it's not as if you're not someone who will *toot* keep quiet when you're pissed.

Whatever. I'll just live out the rest of this AY before switching hall with Loowee. It's not as if I have to *toot* live in this hall.

Grrr... I'm just so *toot* pissed...

That's ultra cool!

Oh yeah! Ad finally gotta place in hall for the next semester! At least she wouldn't have to like keep travelling between Punggol and NTU.. way to go babe! Though a minor drawback... she had to face our common bitch.. ahaha... no names mentioned... but guess... I'ld have to really go knocking on her door when she fails to wake up in time for lessons, but then again, I think I'm the one that needs the knocking instead.. ahaha.. in any case, congrats Ad!!!

Some additions

On my way home, my close friend was asking me, "Hey, seriously speaking, are you like interested in those 2 girls? Cos' is like sometimes you treat one very good, then sometimes you treat the other one very good as well.."

Thanks for the concern dude, but there's nothing going on. I guess what she said is true, we are too close to be in a relationship, be it who she's referring to.

Matters of the heart isn't that simple to begin with. Ok, assuming if I really have feelings to any of them, it's useless. This is not the case of like, ya, I like you, so just be my girlfriend or something like that. The other party must also reciprocrate the feelings. It doesn't help if it's one sided thingy. I've encountered that situation recently, not on me though, where things became very sticky.

And also, I know where I stand.. as in.. be it me being pessimistic or whatever.. good things will never take place on me.. But the thing is, I have my family, I have close friends and I do not need to worry about daily necessities everyday. I should be thankful to God and appreciate all these blessings. I don't wanna lose all these and then regret later.

In the meantime... I'll just concentrate on my studies... and yeah.. loads and loads of reference books and notes shall be my 'girlfriends' in the 2.5 years to come... a bit pathetic... but oh well.. that's my lot.. unless some girl is willing to accept someone who is so much inferior to her... ahahz... oh well.. back to my 'girlfriends'...

Night out at Geylang

Went out to Geylang with the usual 3, cos' Simin wasn't feeling too well yesterday, so hopefully she's much better today... must be a bad day for her... suffering from fever and headache >_<

Well as we were walking towards the beancurd shop it's like.. whoa.. all the 'fishes' are lining up on the streets.. well... not really... but seriously, I don't feel in any sense turned on when I looked at them. Perhaps after n years down the road when I get there for supper, God knows how I'ld feel then. HA-HA. Whatever.

After supper, we went to this 'god-forsaken place' for pool. And for the first time, one of the newbies finally tried playing pool after like... 2 years? Ahaha. Anyway, here are some of the photos taken then.


Learning intently on how to make his shot a worthwhile one..


Loowee's second attempt.



The pro... concentrating intently on his shot...


The pro noob, starting to master the art of hitting the ball without skewing ^_^


Poised to strike...


The noob noob and the pro noob. Ahaha.

And finally... when the star of the night arrived, everyone was like.. whoa.. finally appeared eh... we celebrated his birthday, but his birthday cake was like only a small cheesecake... sorry Junqin.. wasn't really in time to get a big one, but we'll do one at Sentosa, ok? ^^

Here are some of the birthday boy's pictures...


Yummy..



Did you notice there's a head popping behind Ad? Yeah, that's Paul, but strange... he's so camera shy... so unusual of him... thought he's quite thick-skinned... ahaha..

Hope everyone enjoyed the night, and I guess more pictures will come along during the Sentosa trip.. till then.. study hard, boys and girls! ^_^

Enlightenment

I just realised what a big fool I've been... not as in how I treat my friends, but in the aspect regarding the matters of the heart. Perhaps what one of my friends commented about me is true. I'm just a moron who keeps thinking too much about relationship stuff.

Though after a heart-to-heart talk with my closed ones, I guess it's time for me to just heck-care about all this. No, I'm not being jaded, rather, I leave everything to Providence. What is yours will eventually be yours. Hmm... this really sounds like a progress property.. whahaaha >_<... cos' in the past, I've been reading scriptures, but the thing is that I don't really know how to put it into action... so... I guess at least, I have the guide to the “correct" mindset as the signal appears when my mind starts to screw my own thinking... yeah... so... like what my friend said, let our books be our bf and gf for this period of time.. ahaha...
~~~~~~~============~~~~~~~~~

Maybe my love will come back someday
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray
'Cause heaven knows

~~~~~~~=============~~~~~~~

Trial run

Went for jogging just now, and lo and behold! I could manage to rounds on the track before my problematic trotters gave me wierd feelings again.. and my injured spot is starting to give me some pain again... geez... how am I gonna tone myself up for the sentosa trip 2 weeks away from now?

Guess I had to go for swimming almost everyday so that I can burn my excess calories safely without having to fear that my leg would give me problems again.... Well it's true, I think I can only get back to Wushu at the start of the next semester. In the meantime, it'll be more swimming for me ^_^

Papers finished, change of perspective

Did my 202 this morning.. well can't say it's easy nor difficult, having mixed feelings about the whole thing. It doesn't really pay off to analyse that deeply considering that I slept at 4 this morning and woke up at 7.

With regards to the what happened recently, I guess I was totally illogical.. being so heated up just because of some minor stuff. True, I'm labelled as 'too sensitive', but it's kinda like when I tried to be less 'sensitive' or whatever-you-call-that, I just feel so strange... it's just not me...

I don't think I can be so emotionless to be so insensitive towards my friends who have like spent the past 1 1/2 years banging heads together and having the joys and sorrows (almost) while in this bloody Sucky Cofusing Engineering. I just can't find the ability to do so... Yeah, I can put that into practice to those whom are acquaintances, but the thing is, towards my close friends, I can't do it... Oh well... time for some well-deserved rest...

Was I wrong?

Perhaps we were really too close for comfort.

Perhaps it is due to the different backgrounds.

Perhaps we are just too sensitive.

Perhaps it's really time for temporal separation.

Perhaps we are really on the wrong frequency all along.

Perhaps it's a mistake all this while.

Perhaps I should just be a total moron.

Though I have this bad feeling that it'll be over by the start of the next semester. If it does, then...

... ...

... ...

*lost for words*

If I were to leave the world tomorrow...

You mean that someone actually bothers to notice that? Besides my family being sad everyday, I guess nobody would really give a damn to that. Or yeah, they will be sad. Cos they have lost a big sucker who brainlessly help them in whatever problems they have and in the end screw his own problems. Or losing a yes-friend who simply say yes to whatever their requests are.

Is it really true that I treat people too well to the extent where they take me for granted? Quoted, "What are friends are? I'm still trying to find the answer." True, in some instances they make use of each other, so do I present myself as someone who can be made use ALL THE TIME? Especially when people can forget about their manners after being helped in some way or another? Does this word 'thanks' have to be begged?

I just simply don't know. This is not the first time where such things took place. Sometimes, I just wanna run away from all the shit that is occurring right now. So, do feel sad if I were to leave, cos' you've just lost someone whom you can make use of. As for friends, you mean that I'm worthy of ANY friendship? Face it, you are insulting yourself if you are friends with me.

Remember the name

You ready? Lets go!
Yeah, for those of you that want to know what we're all about
It's like this y'all c'mon

(Chorus)
It's just ten percent luck
Twenty percent skill
Fifteen percent concentrated power of will
Five percent pleasure
Fifty percent pain
And a hundred percent reason to remember the name

(Mike)
He doesn't need his name up in lights
He just wants to be heard whether it's the beat or the mic
He feels so unlike everybody else, alone
In spite of the fact that some people still think that they know him
But fuck em'
He knows the code
It's not about the salary
It's about reality and makin' some noise
Makin' the story
Makin' sure his clique stays up
That means when he puts it down Tak's pickin' it up

Who the hell is he anyway?
He never really talks much
Never concerned with status but still leavin' them star struck
Humbled through opportunities given to him despite the fact
That many misjudge him because he makes a livin' from writin raps
Put it together himself, now the picture connects
Never askin for someone's help, to get some respect
He's only focused on what he wrote, his will is beyond reach
And now when it all unfolds, the skill of an artist

It's just twenty percent skill
Eighty percent fear
Be one hundred percent clear 'cause Ryu is ill
Who would've thought that he'd be the one to set the west in flames
And I heard him wreckin' with The Crystal Method, Name Of The Game
Came back dropped Megadef, took 'em to church
I'm like 'bleach, man, why you have the stupidest verse?'
This dude is the truth, now everybody be givin' him guest spots
His stock's through the roof I heard he fuckin' with S-Dot!

(Chorus)

They call him Ryu the sick
And he's spittin fire at Mike
Got him out the dryer he's hot
Found him in Fort Minor with Tak
Been a fuckin' annihilist porcupine
He's a prick, he's a cock
The type woman want to be with
And rappers hope he get shot
Eight years in the makin'
Patiently waitin to blow
Now the record with Shinoda's takin' over the globe
He's got a partner in crime his shit is equally dope
You wont believe the kind of shit that comes out of this kid's throat

(Tak)
He's not your everyday on the block
He knows how to work with what he's got
Makin' his way to the top
People think its a common owners name
People keep askin him was it given at birth
Or does it stand for an acronym?
No he's livin' proof
Got him rockin' the booth
He'll get you buzzin' quicker than a shot of vodka with juice
Him and his crew are known around as one of the best
Dedicated to what they doin give a hundred percent

Forget Mike
Nobody really knows how or why he works so hard
It seems like he's never got time
Because he writes every note and he writes every line
And I've seen him at work when that light goes on in his mind
It's like a design is written in his head every time
Before he even touches a key or speaks in a rhyme
And those motherfuckers he runs with, those kids that he signed
Ridiculous, without even tryin', how do they do it?

(Chorus)*2

Yeah
Fort Minor, M. Shinoda
Styles of Beyond, Ryu, Takbir
Machine Shop

Sinful

I've indulged another sinful act, and that's thanks to my dear friend Ad for bringing me into it... I've tried so hard to get away, but.... it just fails me... and left me craving for more...

遺失的美好

海的思念綿延不絕 終於和天 在地平線交會
愛如果走得夠遠 應該也會跟幸福相見
承諾常常很像蝴蝶 美麗的飛 盤旋然後不見
但我相信你給我的誓言 就像一定會來的春天

我始終帶著你愛的微笑 一路上尋找我遺失的美好
不小心當淚滑過嘴角 就用你握過的手抹掉
再多的風景也從不停靠 只一心尋找我遺失的美好

有的人說不清哪裡好 但就是誰都替代不了
在最開始的那一秒 有些事早已經注定要到老
雖然命運愛開玩笑 真心會和真心遇到

Am I...

--> just a fucking big moron whom people can make use of me whenever they need to and then kick me away when I'm not required?

--> just a fucking big moron who does not seem to have any luck in whatever he do, be it study wise or otherwise?(except being proficient in breaking his leg in the middle of a fucking training trip?)

--> just a fucking big moron who is obviously pissed at some actions or people but still appear to be nonchalant?

-->just a fucking big moron who still waits for the one to appear while all this time be super jaded by the happenings around me?

-->just another fucking big moron who thinks all sorts of nonsensical stuff except the proper ones?

-->just another fucking big moron who just wanna be away from all these fucking shit?

-->just another fucking big moron whom people can use my resources without having the fucking courtesy to inform me beforehand?

-->just another fucking big moron who is fucking sensitive to other people's needs and in the end gets cow sense and fucking no sense in return?

I just fucking don't know. And this is the fucking first time where I'm just so fucking pissed at people who fucking pisses me off. And also the fucking first time where the expletive 'fuck' has appeared in my dear blog...

Please, simply tell me if I'm simply fucking fucked up. I WILL FUCKING APPRECIATE IT!!!

Haiz.....

Gotten this from the official website of Conqueronline... here goes...

Wherever I go, what ever I do I'll be waiting
There will always be a spot in my heart
Where it burns, just burns for you to come back
When I feel lonely I will think of you and I having a good time
When I feel sad I will always think of your happiness
When I feel mad I will always think of you
Just thinking about you makes my heart fill of happiness and love
You may not love me, I will always love you
Always searching, looking for that moment when I will me you again
I miss you with all my heart
If I had one wish it would be for you to come back
I hope that moment comes
It may never come I will never know
My love burns, burns for you
I miss you
But please, just remember one thing
I will be waiting for you
For ever


I don't think I'll be able to pen out such stuff though... great job to whomever wrote this... >_<

Concepts on Love

Gotten this from Jo's blog, which I found them funny but true... it's about the idea of love... here goes...

1) if there is love at first sight? how do you know its love and not just an infatuation?
2) if you are willing to wait for someone even till the end of time, does it necessary mean you love her or are you merely infatuated with some ethereal concept of the woman perfect for you?
3) if love has the properties of an illusion and dream?
4) if love is forever???? how can love be forever when death is inevitable?
5) if love can be substituted such that you can find solace in other hearts of pain?

How I wish I can find the answers to these questions. People change with time, and most of the time is that the changes are known to the whole world without the person involved knowing about it. It just seem funny that people need others to tell them how they've changed, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. I have already one good example. And yeah, it did spice up my life, guess as much as the lady involved in THAT as well. Never knew that being sandwiched was so 'fun'(duh). Whatever manz... though I believe that what goes around comes around. Or I mistyped some words. Bleah. Who cares. So long as the message gets put acrossed. >_<

Spoilt

My dear glasses, that had faithfully rendered its services for this past one and a half years, has finally stopped serving me... yeah, it kinda broke into two at the nose bridge area... guess in the meantime, I'll need to depend on my contact lens... geez...